You have been pursuing a woman for a good amount of time – dancing, laughter, copious amounts of alcohol and perhaps even a gift or two if you’re that type.
You like her and it’s obvious she likes you. Frankly, there’s enough chemical activity between the two of you to give Marie Curie hot flashes from beyond the grave.
The sex is going to be fantastic. It has to be fantastic with this kind of connection. Doesn’t it?
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, gentlemen.
Fast-forward to the end of your first time together and you’re a sweaty mass, heaving away to catch your breath on your side of the bed.
You’re satisfied, certainly. But…she has barely broken a sweat. She has the placid smile of someone who knows she has sacrificed something. She has the placid smile of someone who has done you a favor. You hate to hear yourself say it, but it tumbles out of your mouth anyway, “Was it good for you?”
If it was good for her, boys…you’d know it.
You’re a man of the world. You’re intelligent, well rounded and experienced. You adore women and it shows, so…why do you get the sinking feeling that once she walks out the door, you’ll probably never see her again?
Simply put, it is difficult for a woman to ask for what she wants in bed. Blame the media, blame the way women have been raised for centuries, blame the douche-y patriarchs of the world that make them feel like their opinion doesn’t matter. You may even blame yourself and your lovemaking skills or lack there of. They are all factors in what can be, for her, a crippling repression.
I call upon you, gentlemen, to make a difference. I call on you to be the big dogs and flip the switch on her sexuality. But where do you begin?
Foreplay of the Mind
Roll your eyes all you want, but when it comes to giving a woman satisfaction, the cliché is true. Women are capable of full body orgasms…fantastic waves of otherworldly pleasure that cause them to buck and roll like they need a wallet in their mouths. Imagine knowing you caused that? Imagine the breakfast she’ll more than willingly whip up if you give her more than one!
You don’t coax that kind of wild sexual abandon out of a human with a few dry kisses and a nipple tweak or two. You need to ensure that she is relaxed, that her mind is at peace and that you take your time with every portion of her.
Start foreplay by setting a scene. Women are hard wired to respond to events emotionally and if you manage to manipulate her surroundings to her satisfaction, she’ll feel all the more receptive for it.
Again, don’t fear the cliché…expensive scented candles (not drugstore brand, please), chilled wine and lowered lighting are all-good for a start. The music you choose should be based on her tastes obviously, and if you’re planning on getting multiple orgasms out of her, you’d best know what that is before you even start.
Talk to her. Take the time to choose something to eat or do that she’s mentioned or that you’ve enjoyed together. Complement her. Starting working that complex mind at least an hour before you plan on sex and you’ll see a remarkable difference in how the entire event progresses.
Work your Technique
Along with a lack of foreplay, the majority of women have the same complaint when it comes to their partners – poor technique. No one wants to be told that they are doing something wrong in bed, so sadly, many men carry on unaware that any part of their routine is less than stellar.
However, a few little corrections can make all the difference, particularly in two areas – your kissing and your clitoris work.
The biggest complaint women have about kissing is, not surprisingly, the same complaint they have about the way men touch their clitorises – a lack of subtlety.
Kissing is a very intimate act and for some women, it leaves them more vulnerable than intercourse. Men, being more task driven by nature, tend to leap into both areas of foreplay with the kind of intensity you’d expect at the climax of a hard-core porn.
The tongue flies out too soon and you leave her with a sopping wet lower face and a scowl. You go at her clitoris like it owes you money, flicking and rubbing it until she’s scrambling away to hide her now numb vagina.
These are simple mistakes and ones that are so easily rectified. Think of both kissing and clit manipulation like dancing. Feel the natural rhythm between the two of you and for gods sake take your time. This is not a race to penetration, there will be no cup awarded at the end.
Don’t be afraid to be a big meanie…
Unlike the first two steps you can get yourself into dangerous waters when it comes to this final suggestion. A shocking amount of women, no matter how intelligent, independent and accomplished, have a secret desire to be dominated in the bedroom.
Look at the success of the 50 Shades of Grey series. That awful novel alone has launched a billion female masturbation fantasies worldwide. It is testament to how deep that desire seems to run in the female species.
When it’s done properly…and that is the key…a bit of dominance can send your lady friend into a higher level of arousal than she’s ever been before. When done properly, she’ll have you to thank for it.
The key to success when it comes to dominance games in the bedroom is communication. If she feels comfortable, if she trusts you, then she will allow you to delve deeper into her sexual psyche than you ever thought possible.
Of course this level of trust means a deeper level of communication. You can’t bring a girl home from the bar, throw her up against the wall and plow yourself into her and expect her to thank you for it. Chances are you’ll end up with a lawsuit on your hands.
This is where the aforementioned foreplay becomes crucial. If you’ve taken the time to listen to her…to REALLY listen to her and get to know her, you’ll know instinctively how far you can take it. Don’t forget…if you’re ever in doubt, do yourself a favor and ask. The consequences of making a sketchy executive decision when it comes to sex are just too serious to play around with.
The sad fact is that many women are so deeply entrenched in their own subjugation that they don’t even know what they are looking for, let alone possess the courage to ask for it.
You may be the most skilled, most sensitive lover she’s ever been with, but it will still be difficult for her to give you any sort of direction when it comes to her pleasure. This is where you can make the difference between a peck on the cheek and a swift departure and waking up with her hair in your mouth while she snores, satisfied, beside you.Share this