So you feel the need to build your sexual confidence a bit?
Think back to the last time you had a woman screaming out and gasping your name in satisfied exhaustion.
What was the key? What was it that caused you to be able to let go enough to make her tell her friends about your lovemaking prowess?
There’s any number of things you’re probably milling over in your head right now. You’re big, you have stamina, you used to have a six pack, etc.
Do you want to know what it was that put you into that bed (or car, elevator, bounce house) in the first place? Confidence. Good old fashioned, doesn’t cost a thing confidence.
Maybe you’ve lost a bit over the years, or maybe you felt it’s always been lacking. Either way, I have a few tips to help you boost your sexual confidence so your next experience can be memorable for you and your partner.
1. Porn is not Reality
So many times men (and women) use porn as the benchmark for what a sexual experience should be. These are paid actors who are having sex on camera for the purpose of entertainment.
Your sexual encounter might not look or sound like the latest porn flick. This can be a little disheartening. Watching hunk #3 with a penis the size of Florida lay waste to his screaming partner is not reality. Understand that your experience might be different but that doesn’t mean it is bad.
2. Practice, Practice, Practice
One of the best ways to gain confidence in the bedroom is to understand exactly what you like and what turns you on. A great way to know what you like is to spend a little quality time with yourself.
Most women like a man who can take control in the bedroom and part of that is the confidence to tell her what you like and how you like it done. Don’t confuse this with demanding something, which rarely ever works.
Be direct with the places she can touch or kiss and with what level of intensity. You will be surprised how well your partner will respond. After all, most people want to make sure that their partner is enjoying the experience as much as they are. The only way to accurately guide your partner is if you have an intimate knowledge of what you do and don’t like.
3. Be Vocal
This springboards off of the information in number two above. A confident partner takes control with brief questions. Many women (and men) are reserved while in the bedroom and don’t want to seem pushy by asking for something different.
You’ll project supreme confidence by asking questions like, “Do you like my tongue here?” “Harder or softer or faster or slower?” Those types of questions allow your partner to give you a roadmap to their pleasure centers.
Avoid asking questions that are too open ended. “Is this ok?” is wrong for a couple reasons. It sounds like you’re not sure what you are doing and does not convey any confidence.
Make sure to ask questions that will allow your partner to confirm that they are enjoying what you are doing or allow them to point you in the right direction without feeling like they have to teach you the basics first.
4. Research
Would you rather go to a doctor who feels he knows how to perform surgery because he had experimented a little or someone who has studied, practiced and trained? Why should sex be any different?
Become a student of anatomy and technique. Study ways to connect with someone on not only a physical level but a mental one as well.
There is plenty of research on ways to please your partner. This is an excellent time to be exploring the boundaries of your own sexual technique because of all the free resources available. Do you know where a woman’s G spot is? Do you know how to hit it? If not, read and watch as much as you can and try to internalize the specific nuances of the techniques.
You want to come off as confident in bed? Be knowledgeable about your partner’s anatomy. The more knowledge you gain, you will see an exponential increase in your confidence because you’ll know (in theory first) what to do and how to do it. Next step is find someone to practice with (see #2).
5. Take Care of your Physical and Mental Health
When you look good, you feel good. If you’ve been binge watching Netflix and eating fast food for the past month, change up your routine. There’s no better fast track to confidence then feeling good about yourself. This takes hard work and perseverance but it will pay off as much as your practice and studies from our earlier tips.
Start running, go to the gym, eat healthier, do a juice cleanse. Whatever it might take to improve your physical and mental well-being, you should be on board. You don’t need to be Johnny six pack or a size 2 to exude confidence either.
Once you notice a positive change in yourself, your confidence will increase. Ever wonder why so many seemingly ugly rock stars have women falling all over them? Confidence (and probably a little fame and money). You can’t spend your days with people telling you how great you are without boosting your confidence levels. You can have a similar boost by working hard and improving your lifestyle and it's a scientific fact that casual sex is good for your health too. No excuses not to get started.
6. Let Go
Great sex and your sexual confidence is about having the ability to let go and enjoy all the pleasure involved. Often, people can focus on the negatives and spend more time worrying than enjoying. Remember, sex is fun. Confident people have fun and enjoy themselves.
Maybe you finished a little too quickly? You have two options. Sit in the corner and feel shame or find a different way to unlock her sexual potential. A confident person doesn’t focus on what might be negative but they instead find a way to transition to something different. So, you finished too quickly but gave her a mind-blowing oral orgasm. Are you the expert lover or the dud?
Finding confidence in bed is as simple as research, practice and enjoy. If you utilize these tips, I'll bet that you’ll be well on your way to having the best sex of your life.
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About Kristine L.
