Dating After Divorce In 5 Easy Steps

Dating divorced girl on beachAre your ready to begin dating after divorce? Anyone who has been through the divorce process knows that it’s usually a messy business at best. It only makes sense that you will be part of that mess for a period of time afterwards.

Let’s face it, going through a divorce is the loss of a loved one, best friend, relationship, and the union that the two of you promised would last a lifetime.

That’s why so many people find dating after divorce to be so difficult. In the course of a long term relationship, things naturally fall into place. Life becomes easier (for the most part) and your relationship grows and evolves.

So what are you supposed to do when it all comes crumbling down and you’re left with the prospect of dating after divorce? It might seem like a daunting task, but it can actually be quite easy once you are feeling ready and are willing to start dating after divorce.

For many men, dating after divorce becomes one quick conquest after another in a search for quality women. They feel like they are doing what they are biologically programmed to do. For women, it can be a welcome (or not) journey into their past selves.

After a divorce, many people are left feeling insecure and uneasy about reentering the dating world. Especially for those who got married in their early 20’s. You were fit, healthy, and you were at the top of your game.

Now, 20 years and probably 20 pounds later, you might be left feeling that you are unlovable. Dating after divorce is a very scary proposition for almost everyone who has experienced the dissolution of their marriage. Even having sex for the first time with someone brand new can be a little nerve-racking.

It doesn’t have to be as scary as it might seem. You need to put yourself in the right mindset to become part of the single life again. There are some great benefits to this, if they might seem daunting at the moment.

1. Time is Your Friend
Time is one of the biggest considerations before you start dating after divorce. You need time to heal, plain and simple. Only you will know when you are truly ready, don’t try to force anything here.

Everyone will be coming to you offering their unwanted advice about when dating after divorce is best. There is no magic formula. You, and only you, will know when you are ready to make yourself available.

2. You Feel Renewed
One of the biggest hurdles of dating after divorce is that feeling of renewal. You actually feel ready to meet someone. More importantly, you want to meet someone. Not just because you are feeling lonely, but because you know that adding someone to your new life is something that is healthy.

Often, this comes after much soul searching and figuring out the pieces from your past marriage that were great and the parts that you never want to repeat. Therapists would consider this step “closure” because you have effectively finished one chapter of your life and you’re ready to move on to the next.

When you get to that point before you start dating after divorce where you can accept your role in the ending of the marriage, because it does indeed take two, then you’re in the right place in your life to be ready to meet the next Mr. or Mrs. Right.

3. Attitude Shift
Usually, after a divorce, most people are bitter and pessimistic about dating. Meeting someone new just brings up all the negativity associated with the ending of your marriage. Once your attitude changes, however, and you are no longer focusing on all the negative aspects of the opposite sex, you’re ready to start dating again.

All the bitterness you were feeling before is replaced with positive feelings that you are capable of providing love and being loved yourself. That’s when dating after divorce gets interesting in the best way possible.

4. Allow Friends to Help
Once you’ve decided that you’re ready to start dating after divorce, you can enlist the help of your friends and relatives. Letting your friends know that you’re available to meet new people is like free advertising.

These people wouldn’t be your friends (hopefully) if they don’t think you’re a great person to spend time with. It’s only natural that those friends will have other people in mind who they think might just be a good match for you.

Since you’ve already changed your mindset, you are in a place to accept this help where before you probably wanted nothing to do with being set up on a “blind date.” Trust that your closest friends have your best interests in mind and won’t set you up with someone who is a bad fit for you and your lifestyle.

5. Go Online
Our world is online these days, you can’t hide from the virtual world. So, it’s only natural that when you start dating after divorce, you will be ready to put yourself out there on one of the many online dating sites available.

This is a good way to meet a lot of new people who you might not otherwise meet in your daily life. This will also help you regain confidence and skills as you navigate the world of online dating.

Be honest, when was the last time you had to say something clever or flirty to someone you might be interested in dating? It’s probably been a little while. Dating after divorce online helps to refine those skills that were sitting dormant for a majority of your married life.

Put yourself out there. Meet new people for coffee, drinks, or some other causal activity. It will help you realize that the dating world, while it has changed, is still a place that can be rewarding and worthwhile as you start dating after divorce.

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